You made a mistake this morning. Tonight you're still thinking about the mistake.

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You said the wrong thing in the meeting.
You snapped at your kid.
You sent the email with the typo.

On the drive home, you pictured the moment again and again.
You thought of what you should have said instead.
At bedtime, you were still thinking about the mistake.

Then come the words you say to yourself:
"How could you be so stupid. You always do this."

You don't want to just feel better about the mistake.
You want to make sure you never make the mistake again.
But part of you doesn't believe you won't do it again.
So you keep criticizing yourself, to make sure you remember.

But here's the thing.

Your inner critic probably thinks it's helping you.
It wants the same thing you want: to make sure you don't make the same mistake again, and that you live up to your standards.
But calling yourself stupid makes it harder to figure out what to do differently next time.

There's a specific mechanism that keeps you criticizing yourself, even when you want to stop.

I like to think about it like this.
Picture a locked door.
Pushing harder on the door doesn't open it, because the lock is what holds it shut.
A lockpick doesn't push on the door. It works on the lock.

Telling yourself to ignore your inner critic, get over it, or just do better next time is pushing on the door.
This technique doesn't argue with your inner critic.
It works on the lock: the mechanism that keeps you criticizing yourself, so you can know what you'll do next time and move on.

What this is

The Critic Reset is a technique for when you can't stop criticizing yourself after a mistake.

Here is one part of the mechanism you might recognize in yourself.
After a mistake, most of us ask ourselves, "What could I have done differently?"
Most people think that question is how you make sure it never happens again.
It's actually part of what keeps you stuck.
You can't go back and redo the moment, so that question has no answer you can use today.
So you ask yourself the same question again and again, and you never get to a plan for next time.

The technique replaces that question with two questions that do have answers.
The guided audio walks you through both questions as part of eight short steps.
The whole reset takes about 10 minutes, and the audio takes about 8 of those minutes.
Once you've answered them, you know what you'll do next time, and you don't have to keep criticizing yourself to remember it.

You get the technique three ways:

• The eight steps on one page, to keep on your phone.
• A guided audio, about 8 minutes, where I walk you through the eight steps.
• A 40-minute training on why people criticize themselves more after a mistake, and how to spot your own pattern. It comes by email within 48 hours.

It is not therapy.
It is not a 12-week program.
It is not a pep talk.

I am not a therapist or a doctor. This is a short practice for everyday mistakes.

How you use the technique

Right after a mistake, open the audio and press play.
I walk you through the eight steps in about 8 minutes.
You can use the technique after every mistake you keep thinking about.

The audio and the steps download right away. The 40-minute training comes by email within 48 hours.

Want to hear the audio first? Tap Preview on this page for the first minute.

Full refund any time, for any reason.

If it is not for you, email whyitdidntstick@gmail.com and I will refund you in full.

I'm Luke. Here is why I made this.

For years I lived by a rule I never said out loud:
if I make a mistake, I'm not awesome.
If I don't get the result, I'm not awesome.
If someone criticizes me, I'm not awesome.

I expected myself to do my best every single day.
The high standard wasn't the problem.
The way I talked to myself after every mistake was.

So I built this technique for the moment right after a mistake.

I use a simple version of the same idea with my seven-year-old daughter.
When she thinks she has hurt someone, she can cry for half an hour.
Once she's calm enough to talk, I walk her through a few questions.
It doesn't stop her crying right away, but she starts to settle down.
If a seven-year-old can follow it, you can too.

Full refund any time, for any reason.

Why the steps go in a set order

The reset works in a specific order.
If you try to make a plan for next time while you're still criticizing yourself, the plan won't stick.
That's why the audio guides you through it step by step.

In one study at UC Berkeley, people who were guided to treat a failed test with kindness, instead of a pep talk about how smart they were, spent longer studying for the retry (Breines and Chen, 2012).

Questions

Is this therapy or medical advice?

No. I am not a therapist or a doctor. This is a short practice for everyday mistakes.

Is it for a crisis?

No. If the voice in your head is telling you that you deserve to be hurt, or that you should hurt yourself, please don't use this.
Talk to someone today: a doctor, someone you trust, or a crisis line in your country (in the US, call or text 988).
If you are in danger right now, call your local emergency number.

What if the feeling gets strong while I'm doing the steps?

The reset only asks you to feel the mistake at about a four out of ten.
If the feeling goes higher, open your eyes, feel your feet on the floor, and stop.
You can try again another time.

What if no answer comes to one of the questions?

That is fine and common.
Stop there, try again after the next mistake, and go on with your day.

What if talking to a part of myself feels silly?

You don't have to think of it that way.
You can think of it as noticing your habit of criticizing yourself.

Why $27 for an 8-minute audio?

You don't use the technique once.
You use it after every mistake you keep thinking about.
You also get the eight steps and the 40-minute training, and you can get a full refund any time, for any reason.

Is this only for work mistakes?

No. It is for any mistake you keep criticizing yourself for: at work, as a parent, or in a conversation you keep thinking about.

Have a question before you buy?

Message me on Messenger and I will answer you myself.

Full refund any time, for any reason.

Want to go further?

If you criticize yourself this way most days, not just after one mistake, and you want to talk it through, email me at whyitdidntstick@gmail.com and I'll set up a short call. It's free.

This is my own practice. I am an elder in my church, and prayer is part of this work for the people who want it. I am not a therapist or a doctor.